Legal Wood Plantation by

ISO : Rockin' roomate who doesn't suck n blow at life

Greetings, Chum!

Are you sick of Florida? Wanna go where there are 4 seasons and polor vortex cold snaps ? Well, pack yer shit.... time to move up to Wisconsin!

Holy shit, It's your lucky day.

I'm looking for someone to rent my office room. Make it your bedroom, pad, crib, whatever your little heart wants..... but no " Pleasure " room. If you think you're some Christian Grey from that stupid movie, You can just fuck right off. Only spanking that will be going on in this house is me spanking you in Mario Kart ( figuratively) garden outdoor wedding wears

I'm on the road or at my new bar I'm opening in Milwaukee, so I figured why not rent out the spare space and save me a few bucks. Plus, I'm always gone on the weekends being a wedding DJ :)

Rent includes:

Electric! ( long as you're not cooking anything illegal... * wink wink *)

Water! The finest tap water in all the land.

* I do recommend using a water filter for consumption. As for washing butt n stuff, totally good!

Private washer and dryer. No more worrying about the creepy neighbor or step parent questioning you about your choice in undergarments. So what if you like to wear butt-floss, I don't give a crap... just don't leave them laying around . .. especially if you're a dude.

Free Wi-Fi, bitches! High speed for all your non- pornographic needs.

Back yard. You like grass? There's plenty of room for you to roll around in out back. Perfect for bon fires, snow forts and outdoor pees ( only after bartime )

Off street and back alley parking. Such a safe quiet area. Ever watch King Of the hill ? We can totally do that.. hang out back, drink beers and listen to the radio. I even know the theme song from that show on my guitar. God, I'm cool.

Tons of storage! Long as you're not some freak hoarder who collects tv guides or bottles of pee, there is tons of room to store your non creepy items.

Like Mario Kart? Got what it takes? Take a look at the joint. If you like it....want to rent it, bet your first months rent? Let's do best 4/7 ( World Series Style!) And if you win.... first months rent is on me. How's that for a marketing gimmick? Don't be a sore loser. Princess Peach is my homegirl.

Then there is me. I'm a super cool dude who isnt home half the time. Non dbag personality.... and giant music lover. Plus, I keep a giant stash of thin mint cookies for your enjoyment also. Say whaaaat?! You heard right. I'll hook yo ass up phat. That's included with your rent, so no need to thank me endlessly.

What I'm not looking for...

Couples. If I wanted to hear bitching about lack of craptasic sex....

No kids. I pulled out. Maybe you should of taken that Plan b pill from Walgreens!

Pornstar wannabes.
I like sleep when I'm here. If I have to wake up to what sounds like two humpback whales singing melodies of passions that radiate from the room next door to me, I'm going to get upset. It's annoying and had to deal with that from old neighbors from the other year.

What I am looking for...

Someone who can pay rent on time and doesn't take my fucking thin mints with out my concent. I can't stress this enough. That's like trying to sleep with my gf! Not cool! Less you're a chic... then..... wait, no... still not cool.

So, if you don't listen to little Wayne or bullshit music such as that, pay your rent ON TIME, don't have loud crazy monkey sex OR chronic masturbator..... Apply!

Background checks are done.
If you smell weird or do drugs.... don't apply.
450 and deposit

Location: Horicon Elm St:) This is real. Try not to cry from happiness.